Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
