I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This house was built for laser tag.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
