My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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