if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
