i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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