she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
