Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
