You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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