he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
