i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
