that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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