Whod you bang
Do you still have your period?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
