Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize