after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
