Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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