I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Randomize
