So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize