I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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