laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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