well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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