i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I touched a dick in church today
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
