Buhtt sex?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
