do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
