just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize