Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
