ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
