and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize