My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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