Don't you send me to vm
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
