why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just want nice things and good sex
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize