i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
