just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
