They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
