Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
