Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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