i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize