i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
