Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
