mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
