He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize