you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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