There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
