omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
