How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
