never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
vagina is talking i cant
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
