I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
