Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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