P.S. I can't hear my feet
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
