I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
