I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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