did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
