it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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