I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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