even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
