Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
