yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
