even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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