it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i need some magic done to my vagina
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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