This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
