what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
