I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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