I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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