You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize