I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
