Plan B is the new Plan A
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
