even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
