After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
