Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
