If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
false alarm. still invincible.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
