come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
