Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
