I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
