For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
