From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
