ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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