I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize