Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
