Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
