Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
