the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
