so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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