There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What a dumb baby whore.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
