it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
