Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
