the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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