i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize