I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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