I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
