Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
